Dream Home Release Date: 5 June 2006 (USA) Genre: Horror Director(s): Amir Valinia (Da Block Party) Writer(s): Amir Valinia Staring: Hunter Armand, Jason Brown, Craig Carter “Dream Home is the story of the Cromiers, young married migrant workers who discover they have just moved into the wrong town and the wrong house.” Whoa, whoa, whoa, […]

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Dream Home
Release Date: 5 June 2006 (USA)
Genre: Horror
Director(s): Amir Valinia (Da Block Party)
Writer(s): Amir Valinia
Staring: Hunter Armand, Jason Brown, Craig Carter

“Dream Home is the story of the Cromiers, young married migrant workers who discover they have just moved into the wrong town and the wrong house.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? The main characters of Dream Home are two upper middle-class African Americans, one of whom has just received a promotion at his white collar job. Where in the blue hell did ‘migrant workers’ come from?

My copy of Dream Home came from Netflix, so I can’t say for sure whether that description appears on the actual back cover of the film or not. I can say for certain that the description does appear on Maverick Entertainment’s website. Why such a mistake would be made is beyond me. Who knows though? Maybe Maverick Entertainment’s extensive market research revealed that Hispanics watch more haunted house films than black people. And if that’s true, well then I can’t blame ‘emfor telling a little lie.

Or maybe, just maybe, idiocy runs rampant in Deefield Beach, Florida.

Migrant workers or not, Dream Home is one of the worst movies of 2006. From those fools Kane & Abel, who brought us cinematic trash like Only God Can Judge Me, Black Saturday, Jeremy’s Family Reunion, and Da Block Party comes the dullest haunted house movie ever made. And there have been a hell of a lot of them since direct-to-video came to be twenty years ago, many of which I have not seen, but I refuse to believe that anything could be worse than Dream Home.

The Cromiers, a pair of married migrant workers (maybe they have a second job), are on their way to work when the incessantly complaining wife sees a house that she feels they absolutely must buy. Once they do buy the house, they spend some time fixing it up, during which they begin to hear weird things about the house’s history. And then … Absolutely nothing happens. Seriously. The film’s climax involves the male lead running home to wake up the female from a bad dream.

Like the three previously mentioned and reviewed movies (and probably Da Block Party, but it’s been forever since that movie put me to sleep), Dream Home comes in at only seventy-two minutes. Maverick lists it as eighty-five minutes though. Why is that? Ohh yeah, tons and tons of unfunny outtakes and credits that go as sloooooowly as possible.

Director Amir Valino is a point-and-shoot director working from one of the worst scripts ever put on video. What results is a movie that probably took five days to film and probably put the editor (who sure does love fading to black) to sleep in post. This isn’t one of those situations where those involved tried and failed, and thus should relish in the fact that they at least attempted to make something worthwhile.

Apparently there are one or two instances in the film where you can actually hear the director yelling “Cut!” but I sadly did not pay enough attention to this awful movie to hear them.
DVD: Barebones.

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Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast)
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Dream Home, 3.0 out of 10 based on 1 rating

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