Dirty Love Release Date: 5 May 2006 (Italy) Genre: Comedy | Romance Director(s): John Asher (Diamonds, Kounterfeit) Writer(s): Jenny McCarthy Starring: Jenny McCarthy, Carmen Electra, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Kathy Griffin What happens when Jenny McCarthy writes a script and and gets her (now ex) husband hired to direct with her attached to star and produce? […]

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Dirty Love
Release Date: 5 May 2006 (Italy)
Genre: Comedy | Romance
Director(s): John Asher (Diamonds, Kounterfeit)
Writer(s): Jenny McCarthy
Starring: Jenny McCarthy, Carmen Electra, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Kathy Griffin

What happens when Jenny McCarthy writes a script and and gets her (now ex) husband hired to direct with her attached to star and produce? In short, four Razzie awards, including Worst Picture, Actress, Director, and Screenplay.

And you know what makes Dirty Love’s failure even better? First Look Pictures, in all their glory, decided to give this one a limited theatrical release in September. Dirty Love only made $58,000 in 44 theaters. Lowballing the average ticket price in these locations at $7.00, that would indicate that only 8,285 people paid to see Dirty Love. This wasn’t the usual ‘theater dump devoid of publicity’ either. McCarthy went on Howard Stern, one of the highest-rated radio show in the country, to promote the movie. And still, only 8,285 were interesting in seeing Jenny McCarthy’s bare left breast covered in vomit on the big screen.

For shame America, for shame.

Rebecca (McCarthy) should be a model for all young women. After walking in on her boyfriend in the midst of coitus with another woman, Rebecca stews for a few minutes, collects her thoughts, and then walks down a path to bettering herself. Just kidding. Actually, she turns into a raving lunatic who spouts lines like, “Even Brad Pitt’s throbbing cock couldn’t make me feel better right now!” Yes, she wants sex, but after being puked on, asked to kiss a bass that is shoved up a man’s rectum, and bleeding buckets (that’s hardly an exaggeration sadly) in the supermarket due to having her period, she finds that she can just not find someone to sleep with. Rounding out the positive female characters line-up is a gangster Carmen Electra, some random woman who wants to be an actress, and Eddie Kaye Thomas.

It would be one thing if Dirty Love was, ohhh, I don’t know, funny. It’s not. McCarthy’s script is incomprehensibly awful. What’s worse is that McCarthy is probably the best comedic actor in the film, as everyone else is so bad that it makes her two or three moments of competent timing just enough to put that crown on her head. I guess that whole three months she spent filming the intricately written “Jenny” for MTV prepared her for the arduous process of making one of the worst gross-out movies ever made.

Jenny even tries to show a mean side in Dirty Love. After Kevin Smith’s and his crew literally laughed at McCarthy when she came in for an audition, which sent the starlet home sobbing, McCarthy wanted to get back at him. As a result, the film features an overweight director looking for sex. The character is neither funny nor hard-hitting, as even Smith’s fondest admirer would be hard pressed to generate anger towards McCarthy and Asher for the character.
DVD: A commentary track that my screener didn’t have. It’s apparently a wack off fest involving director John Asher and McCarthy.

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