Death 4 Told Release Date: 2004 Genre: Thriller Director(s): C. Michael Close & Bo Buckley Writer(s): Bo Buckley & Jim Palmquist Starring: Margot Kidder, Tom Savini First off, let me forewarn you of something. I hate most anthology films. Especially with the direct-to-video craze, most are just poorly written tales that hack writers were unable […]

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Death 4 Told
Release Date: 2004
Genre: Thriller
Director(s): C. Michael Close & Bo Buckley
Writer(s): Bo Buckley & Jim Palmquist
Starring: Margot Kidder, Tom Savini

First off, let me forewarn you of something. I hate most anthology films. Especially with the direct-to-video craze, most are just poorly written tales that hack writers were unable to lengthen to fit a feature script. Going forward, anthology films made on microbudgets are even worse. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one that I’d recommend wholeheartedly. They’re all entirely amateurish, shot with DV cams that produce grainy and dark footage, and feature writing that Tales From the Crypt would’ve rejected on their worst day.

That’s essentially what Death 4 Told is. Gaining distribution by The Asylum only because of a two-minute role from special effects master Tom Savini, Death 4 Told presents four interwoven tales that failed to impress me in the least.

There’s “The Doll House,” about an author with writer’s block who rents a house with his wife that has a miniscule price tag attached to it. As expected, a doll that once belonged to a resident of the house haunts the man. Yawn.

Up next is “Folklore,” a very short tale about a group of twentysomethings who go up into the woods for a campout only to hit an animal on the way up. This unleashes a pack of werewolves that will proceed to haunt and kill them. Despite a few moments of humor, it’s another resounding yawn.

“World’s Most Haunted” is a really boring ghost story about a group going into a house to investigate what reports say are evil spirits. Yawn.

Ending this mess is “The Psychic.” Margot Kidder plays a scheming tarot card reader who routinely picks out her clients’ cards in advance. Somehow she starts pulling out the Death card, and when she does, it’s not long before their fortune comes true. Savini shows up to end the film in an underwhelming fashion as well. Yawn.

DVD: A commentary track with co-director Bo Buckley is not only boring, but also aggravating. I personally had no interest in hearing the kind of director that I consider a hack speak about his terrible movie, and the experience was only made worse by the complete lack of energy shown on his part. There’s also the short film “Don’t Do That!” an even worse looking picture that served as the inspiration for “Folklore.”

Seeing as how they’re becoming a worldwide production company, The Asylum really needs to cut this crap out.

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