Cheerleader Ninjas Release Date: 25 November 2003 (USA) Genre: Action | Comedy Director: Mike Campbell Writer: Mike Campbell Starring: Kira Reed, Angela Brubaker and Jeff Nicholson With a cute title and satirical plot, I was ready for ninety minutes of entertainment when I sat down with Cheerleader Ninjas. Don’t be confused, though; Cheerleader Ninjas is […]

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Cheerleader Ninjas
Release Date: 25 November 2003 (USA)
Genre: Action | Comedy
Director: Mike Campbell
Writer: Mike Campbell
Starring: Kira Reed, Angela Brubaker and Jeff Nicholson

With a cute title and satirical plot, I was ready for ninety minutes of entertainment when I sat down with Cheerleader Ninjas. Don’t be confused, though; Cheerleader Ninjas is neither a laugh romp, nor an action packed adventure, nor anything resembling competency in filmmaking. Produced in the hey-day of gross out comedies, the late 90s, the plot takes a backseat to many seriously unfunny gags. The film’s T&A quotient isn’t even up to par, making me hard pressed to find anyone, with the exception of drunken frat boys, who will enjoy this.

The synopsis of the film got an initial chuckle out of me. If you hadn’t noticed in past years, cheerleaders are a frequent staple in the porn industry. A group of Catholic mothers, who ogle at the sight of Sean Connery naked, decide that in order to stop the filth that promotes homosexuality, they must take out the local cheerleaders. They hire a very feminine man (who is accompanied by a, “Yes, he’s gay!” subtitle twice in the film) who enlists the help of evil Catholic schoolgirls, a computer hacker by the name of “X,” and nerds who frequently fart and masturbate mustard.

Director/writer Kevin Campbell fails at every turn to create an even half decent gross out piece. On every turn, there’s a pitiful flatulence, masturbation, bimbo, or Star Trek joke tossed out to pasture. For me, the joke to laugh ratio was 10:1, and I’m being very kind. When Campbell does score with a joke, they’re definitely great ones. But his bad jokes are some of the worst I’ve ever witnessed. After all, twenty minutes of the film is dedicated to a group of Trekkies farting, jerking off, and imitating William Shatner, a joke that both “Family Guy” and “The Critic” have run into the ground. You never care for the characters because they’re all so Goddamn stupid. Even the smart cheerleader who, :GASP:, turns out to be a geek, boils the blood.

Skinemax queen Kira Reed shows up for a scene completely unrelated to the film, seemingly to add a “name” actress to the film. Only problem is that Kira really isn’t known, and the way they trot her name out in dialogue scenes is pretty pathetic. In addition, Campbell’s frequent poking at the film’s low budget is rarely funny. Blowup dolls are used throughout the fight scenes as an excuse to avoid working within their budgets. It’s like Campbell wants us to forgive him for making such a shitty film because he had a minimal budget. But I can’t, in good conscience, do that.

Avoid Cheerleader Ninjas like the plague. What looks like a cute, caper comedy with potential for some good satire quickly falls into a sea of shit, sperm, blonde, and redneck jokes. And if that’s not good enough reason to stay away, I don’t know.

DVD: Standard Direct-to-Video Release™. A commentary with Kevin Campbell was originally slated to appear, but for whatever reason, it didn’t make the final cut.

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Cheerleader Ninjas, 3.0 out of 10 based on 1 rating

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