Carlito’s Angels Release Date: 23 September 2003 (USA) Genre: Action | Comedy Director: Agustin (3-Play) Writer: Agustin (3-Play) Staring: Evly G. Pacheco, Alessandra Ramos and Jeni Garcia It’s time for another Seduction Cinema spoof in the vein of Lord of the G-Strings and The Erotic Witch Project. Wait, wait, wait. Carlito’s Angels isn’t a Seduction […]

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Carlito’s Angels
Release Date: 23 September 2003 (USA)
Genre: Action | Comedy
Director: Agustin (3-Play)
Writer: Agustin (3-Play)
Staring: Evly G. Pacheco, Alessandra Ramos and Jeni Garcia

It’s time for another Seduction Cinema spoof in the vein of Lord of the G-Strings and The Erotic Witch Project. Wait, wait, wait. Carlito’s Angels isn’t a Seduction Cinema release. Released under the EI Independent Cinema label (which Seduction is a subsidiary of), this is a Latino-comedy that weakly spoofs Charlie’s Angels.

“Three very beautiful, very sexy chicks from the hood,” Roxy, Tina, and Marisol, love to smoke pot, do their make-up, and act extremely stereotypical. In addition to the challenges faced by them with having to pay the rent to their large landlord, they’re also crime fighters. The local deli often receives collect calls from Carlito, an imprisoned man who the Angels can never meet. On this particular day, he gives them the assignment of saving the town’s numbers game from an angry Mafiosi. Of course, this leads to the girls stumbling around, and somehow going undercover at a strip club. Nope, never seen THAT before.

The only thing Carlito’s Angels has going for it is the quick wit of director/writer Agustin. The acting is poor, the majority of the writing is lame, and for a film that barely hits seventy-minutes, it’s sloooooow. But when Agustin nails a good joke, he definitely gets the job done. While I hated the gag concerning one of the girl’s having over twenty children (because, you see, minorities fuck like sheep), one of her son’s being a heated midget was cute. Everything in the strip club, minus the girls actually showing some modesty (unlike Obsession) was a yawn, but the interaction the group has with the club’s “featured dancer” was decent enough.

EI needs to realize that when you’re dealing with writers that aren’t capable of producing even C- material, a spoof doesn’t work. Fans of theirs (which I can’t say I am) love Seduction Cinema’s material because there are a few cute jokes, and then the sex that at least pads enough time to keep inane material from making it on the screen. Case-in-point, Carlito’s Angels has an unfunny movie-within-a-movie sequence that made zero sense in context, but added an extra minute, so it somehow got included. This is a notch above The Witches of Sappho Salon, but it still blows.

DVD: EI intelligently manned the DVD with a Spanish language track. This is a rarely seen supplement for smaller films, so EI employing it shows their craftiness. Either that, or Augstin did it himself. The “Image Gallery” is a nice video package, while the “Original Artwork by Caesar,” which is featured in film, looks great, but felt like overkill halfway through. There’s the typical lot of Seduction Cinema trailers, along with an interesting “Making of Documentary.” Agustin is well spoken despite making such a lowbrow film, and getting a peak into the crew chastising the extras was certainly enjoyable.

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