Bar-B-Q Release Date: 24 April 2001 (UK) Genre: Comedy Director(s): John West Writer(s): John West Staring: Mariam Aziz, Layzie Bone and Turi Cooper Every time I think I’ve watched the definitive picture that represents Tanya York scraping the bottom of the barrel, I watch another movie and find myself changing my opinion. If Bar-B-Q is […]

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Bar-B-Q
Release Date: 24 April 2001 (UK)
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): John West
Writer(s): John West
Staring: Mariam Aziz, Layzie Bone and Turi Cooper

Every time I think I’ve watched the definitive picture that represents Tanya York scraping the bottom of the barrel, I watch another movie and find myself changing my opinion.

If Bar-B-Q is not the worst movie ever made, I don’t want to see what is (this statement of course being trumpeted by my viewing of Ax ‘Em a week later).

In fact, if director, writer, and producer John West ever reads this review, I urge him to send me his address. After spending 90 minutes of my life that I could’ve spent doing something productive, like huffing paint, I’m willing and ready to travel to your apartment and stomp your testicles while wearing baseball cleats as a suitable form of retribution. You’re abomination Bar-B-Q has absolutely no redeemable qualities, and if there’s a heaven and a hell, I know exactly where you’re going for unleashing this horrible piece of celluloid that would make Ed Wood weep on the rest of the world.

Whether the jokes be flatulence, lawyer, homophobic, transvestite, fat, or sexual in nature, everything here is presented with the intellect of a fifth grader. Not just that, but with the budget and film quality of the video my parents took of my fifth grade graduation to boot.

So if you’re ten years old, or have the mental capacity of an immature one, then Bar-B-Q is for you. If not, then stay far away, or else you’ll be hiring a private investigator to track down West for you like I’m considering at the moment.
This was actually labeled by the European distributor as a “Number One U.S. Box Office Smash,” apparently leading to a lot of pissed off customers. I’ll do my best to eventually get a picture of its foreign box art.

DVD: The DVD is, of course, barebones. That’s not the big story here. York Entertainment lazily transferred this to DVD, resulting in parts of the movie being cut off. I somehow doubt that they fixed this problem for its new release alongside Beverly Hood in a two-pack.

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