Attack of the Sabretooth Release Date: 2005 Genre: Adventure | Sci-Fi | Thriller Director(s): George Miller (Cybermutt, Frozen Assets) Writer(s): Tom Woosley (Sabretooth) Starring: Robert Carradine, Nicholas Bell and Brian Wimmer If you put all the heads of the people involved with the production of Attack of the Sabretooth together, chances are you won’t get […]

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Attack of the Sabretooth
Release Date: 2005
Genre: Adventure | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Director(s): George Miller (Cybermutt, Frozen Assets)
Writer(s): Tom Woosley (Sabretooth)
Starring: Robert Carradine, Nicholas Bell and Brian Wimmer

If you put all the heads of the people involved with the production of Attack of the Sabretooth together, chances are you won’t get be able to find a single brain.

Attack of the Sabretooth is the sort of stupid movie that tries to solve its logic gaps and plot holes with explanations like “The cats are bulimic.” Ridiculousness pretty much awaits you at every turn in this film. Stupidity doesn’t always equate to a movie being mundane or terrible though. At least in my mind it doesn’t. Despite a never-ending array of stupefying moments that make you question the sanity of the film’s producers, Attack of the Sabretooth is still the kind of mucho-entertaining fare that makes running this website a joy.

‘Rich guy who probably would’ve been played by Corbin Bernsen if he wasn’t on General Hospital’ Niles has had quite a busy few years. Not only has he taken a tropical island and turned it into a viable vacation resort, but his scientists have also cloned three sabretooth tigers. They’re well-contained though, so they are of very little danger to the potential investors and random college kids that are hitting up the island for a weekend of fun in the sun.

The security system used to keep the tigers from chowing down does have one flaw. If a Polynesian security guard enters its habitat in order to retrieve a page from his favorite porn magazine, the tigers are then easily able to escape. The security guards aren’t exactly up to the task of containing them, as it seems they’re more intent on indulging in other extracurricular activities than shooting at tigers. As a result, much death occurs, with Niles refusing to listen to the hot female security guard when she urges him to send the investors home.

Eventually hot to trot security guard, random dude who has little in the way of defining characteristics, and the scavenger hunting sorority / fraternity pledges are forced to band together in order to defeat the tigers. There’s also a fun subplot involving Niles’ ex-brother-in-law (Carradine) and his date stealing DNA files from his computer. They’re mostly there to provide two more antagonists for the tigers to tear apart, but Carradine makes his character more than tolerable.

Attack of the Sabretooth was produced by the Sci Fi Channel for the Sci Fi Channel. While the pacing for ad breaks and the demand for frequent appearances by the tigers prevent the movie from sucking you in, the fast-paced nature, silly and bloody special effects, and sweet look is more than enough to overcomes its logical gaps.
DVD: Barebones.

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Attack of the Sabretooth, 7.0 out of 10 based on 1 rating

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