13 Dead Men Release Date: 21 October 2003 Genre: Action | Crime Director: Art Camacho (Point Doom, Gangland) Writer: Art Camacho (Final Payback) & Joel Newman (Scarecrow Slayer) Starring: Lorenzo Lamas & Mystikal Step right up ladies and gentlemen. You’re about to experience a York Entertainment-made movie starring Mystikal and Lorenzo Lamas! Watch mystified as […]

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13 Dead Men
Release Date: 21 October 2003
Genre: Action | Crime
Director: Art Camacho (Point Doom, Gangland)
Writer: Art Camacho (Final Payback) & Joel Newman (Scarecrow Slayer)
Starring: Lorenzo Lamas & Mystikal

Step right up ladies and gentlemen. You’re about to experience a York Entertainment-made movie starring Mystikal and Lorenzo Lamas!

Watch mystified as the lead character Malachi, a man on death row who holds a secret that leads to a stash of $5 million in diamonds, is beaten maliciously by prison guards! And then again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And a few more times after that.

Stare in amazement at Warden Kowalski, an overacting fellow who gets off on beating and raping his girlfriend, displays his ability to get executions moved up seemingly without effort.

Sit in shock as Lorenzo Lamas participates in some truly poorly choreographed fights in his quest to bust Malachi out of prison.

Feel free to chuckle at the out of shape Mystikal while you’re here as well, as the piece of trash was sentenced to six years in prison less than two months after this came out for raping a hair stylist.

And then, when it’s all over, ask yourself exactly what the hell you just watched, and why you didn’t turn it off long before.

The sheer number of plot holes and just plain errors on display in 13 Dead Men is enough to warrant a bad rating. The fact that there’s nothing particularly good about the movie doesn’t help matters either. Seeing as how 13 Dead Men was directed by Art Camacho, a veteran fight choreographer, you’d at least expect the fight scenes to be good. But no, they’re weak as well.
Even for fans of Lamas, presuming that they do exist, this isn’t worth watching.

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13 Dead Men, 2.0 out of 10 based on 1 rating

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